I have never liked the expression "when I was your age", back when I was young and people said that to me and when my children became young adults. But in this case, I will use this. When I was a child, I was very careless about my behavior and I know my words hurt classmates, friends, etc. As I matured, I became VERY aware of my flaws and beat myself up to be better. So, "When I was your age", I was also very mindful of errors I made to the point that it paralyzed me and certainly lessened my self-confidence. In fact, this was a major reason my early track of my career got sidetracked; this lack of self-confidence and perpetual pursuit of perfection (hmm, all those P's reminds me of "The Pinchas Paradox: pious priest or protective perpetrator?") and obsession to correct flaws. Luckily, the next career track went well and I gradually got self-confident and somewhat successful. Now as an older adult, I have, I guess, gone full-circle in not being overly concerned if I make an error, if I'm not perfect, but certainly experienced enough (both professionally and personally) that I will make fewer errors (say dumb things, make mistakes) that affect people or projects.
I am sure it will be a natural progression for you, but I hope you keep this in mind that in time, you will show fewer flaws and have the confidence to apologize for them and also move on and not be overly affected.
While I "have you", I want to comment on something you wrote a week or two ago, about looking for a new career. I am sure you have good reasons to do so, but I do want to let you know that in my experience with you you have done a GREAT job as a young rabbi in terms of your intellectual excellence as evidenced by these blog articles and dealing with you years ago at WJC. You are clearly emotionally intelligent, too. If you are not happy in the Rabbinate, I understand and do pursue other things (and no need to share any details with me). But just know that you have done an excellent job!
love me, love my flaws?
It's a little like having an I/You relationship, in Buber -speak.
Thanks. I always look forward to your Shabbat essays.
Thank you for another thought-provoking blog.
I have never liked the expression "when I was your age", back when I was young and people said that to me and when my children became young adults. But in this case, I will use this. When I was a child, I was very careless about my behavior and I know my words hurt classmates, friends, etc. As I matured, I became VERY aware of my flaws and beat myself up to be better. So, "When I was your age", I was also very mindful of errors I made to the point that it paralyzed me and certainly lessened my self-confidence. In fact, this was a major reason my early track of my career got sidetracked; this lack of self-confidence and perpetual pursuit of perfection (hmm, all those P's reminds me of "The Pinchas Paradox: pious priest or protective perpetrator?") and obsession to correct flaws. Luckily, the next career track went well and I gradually got self-confident and somewhat successful. Now as an older adult, I have, I guess, gone full-circle in not being overly concerned if I make an error, if I'm not perfect, but certainly experienced enough (both professionally and personally) that I will make fewer errors (say dumb things, make mistakes) that affect people or projects.
I am sure it will be a natural progression for you, but I hope you keep this in mind that in time, you will show fewer flaws and have the confidence to apologize for them and also move on and not be overly affected.
While I "have you", I want to comment on something you wrote a week or two ago, about looking for a new career. I am sure you have good reasons to do so, but I do want to let you know that in my experience with you you have done a GREAT job as a young rabbi in terms of your intellectual excellence as evidenced by these blog articles and dealing with you years ago at WJC. You are clearly emotionally intelligent, too. If you are not happy in the Rabbinate, I understand and do pursue other things (and no need to share any details with me). But just know that you have done an excellent job!
Shabbat Shalom,
Marc