What Do You See?

Stumble in your Torah

Although it’s not the winter Olympics, my mind always goes to the 90s classic, Cool Runnings during any iteration of the Olympics. That movie detailed the miraculous run of the Jamaican bobsled team during the 1988 Olympics. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is the following:

One of the members of the team is dealing with a confidence problem and his other teammate gives him this pep talk. I may have used it a few times during my leading of various color wars.

The ability to look at yourself in the mirror and see who you really are is a practice we can cultivate. It can cut both ways. We can be guilty of being overly prideful and only seeing good. Or we can go to the other extreme, only highlighting our growing edges. But the ability to find a middle ground is the true goal. That is what Judaism might tell us is discernment-binah.

As Moses begins his final speech to the people in this week’s portion, he instructs them about God’s directive to choose leaders (1:14):

הָב֣וּ לָ֠כֶ֠ם אֲנָשִׁ֨ים חֲכָמִ֧ים וּנְבֹנִ֛ים וִידֻעִ֖ים לְשִׁבְטֵיכֶ֑ם וַאֲשִׂימֵ֖ם בְּרָאשֵׁיכֶֽם׃

Pick from each of your tribes candidates who are wise, discerning, and experienced, and I will appoint them as your heads.”

Only two verses later, Moses reflects on his choice of those leaders by declaring:

וָאֶקַּ֞ח אֶת־רָאשֵׁ֣י שִׁבְטֵיכֶ֗ם אֲנָשִׁ֤ים חֲכָמִים֙ וִֽידֻעִ֔ים וָאֶתֵּ֥ן אוֹתָ֛ם רָאשִׁ֖ים עֲלֵיכֶ֑ם שָׂרֵ֨י אֲלָפִ֜ים וְשָׂרֵ֣י מֵא֗וֹת וְשָׂרֵ֤י חֲמִשִּׁים֙ וְשָׂרֵ֣י עֲשָׂרֹ֔ת וְשֹׁטְרִ֖ים לְשִׁבְטֵיכֶֽם׃

So I took your tribal leaders, wise and experienced men, and appointed them heads over you: chiefs of thousands, chiefs of hundreds, chiefs of fifties, and chiefs of tens, and officials for your tribes.

A close read of that text shows that there’s an attribute missing when Moses does his selection: וּנְבֹנִ֛ים-discerning. What happened? How did we go from the lofty trio to a diminished duo?

My favorite answer comes from Reb Shlomo Ha’kohen Rabinowicz, the Tiferet Shlomo, the first Rebbe of the Radomsk dynasty in 19th century Poland:

Having this comprehension-נבון is the ability to see the matter of a thing inside of that thing. This was particularly challenging to find in the generation of the desert which was a group that really only learned from the mouth of Moshe but lacked their own independent form of thinking.

That attribute that is missing נבון, also known as binah-discernment, is explained by the Tiferet Shlomo as the ability to see a thing inside of a thing. In other words, can you look at an image and realize there’s more going on beneath the surface? When you look at yourself in the mirror, do you just see that one thing or do you see the multiple, complicated, and powerfully potent parts that make you who you are?

This type of introspective work is a necessity year round. It’s heightened during this period of the 9 days, the acutely painful lead up to the 9th of Av, one of the most somber days on the Jewish calendar, which we mark this coming Tuesday. In order to confront the sadness of the day, we need to think about the role we have played in promulgating sinat hinam-baseless hatred, the reason the Rabbis attribute for the destruction of the 2nd Temple.

This work is hard because it’s painful and we may not want to engage with it because, well, the world is painful enough! But if we don’t, we miss out on the potential for real growth. This point is fleshed out by R’Tzadok Ha’Kohen of Lublin¹ who shares the following:

Each person knows that in precisely that area in which their inclination attacks them greatly, they becomes a prepared vessel in precisely those matters to be clean and purified. And in matters in which they sins greatly, they should know they are becoming a prepared vessel to be, precisely in that matter in which they sin, clean and pure of heart.

And on this, it was said (Babylonian Talmud Gittin 43a) "A person doesn't stand with their Torah unless they have stumbled in it", meaning that through their stumbling, they understand that they were specifically created to rectify that particular matter

That is to say, you can’t establish whatever your “thing” is unless you’ve screwed up in it. It’s a resonant idea in a culture which promotes constant hustle, perfection, and achievement. R’ Tzadok wants to remind us that when we make mistakes, we have a serious opportunity for growth. Even before that, he says something deeply moving.

When you look in the mirror, you really know what you see. You understand the types of things that get under your skin. You have an awareness of the types of mistakes you constantly make. That’s step one. It’s only when you can shift to remember that it’s those very things that are an opportunity to improve yourself that you realize something. You’re not meant to fall and wallow. You’re meant to fall, reflect, and grow from it.

So learn from Junior of Cool Runnings but don’t stop there. See your pride and see your power. Also, see your shortcomings and reflect on your mistakes. You were made for this. You are wise, experienced, and most importantly, discerning.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Weekend!

1. Tzidkat Ha’Tzadik 49