I like that you are asking questions of yourself. So much good change in the world starts from there. “What am I” ? I wonder if the question “who am I” and who do I want to be?” Will better inform the 1st question. Anywho thanks for sharing your heart !
It seems that you desire to know your future and whether being a rabbi fits in with your future soul. Why? What will YOU be like? You are 35. You WILL be a different person at 45. What that is, no person can anticipate. The key question - I think - is the one you asked early on: what am I? Meaning, I hope, what am I now? Are you happy NOW with what you are doing? Do you feel satisfaction being a spiritual leader for a community, helping real people deal with real problems, and teaching the lessons of Tanach to those of us not as well versed or engaged in it as you? Those are pretty good things, but maybe it's not for you. Then look into another path. Do you really wish you were batting cleanup for the Cardinals? If so, go back and train. Do you wish that you became a millionaire (I assume you are not)? Then get a new profession. But if you are satisfied with being a respected and impactful rabbi right now, then enjoy the ride, be the best you can be, and don't worry so much. And SMILE that you are satisfied (many people are not).
I like that you are asking questions of yourself. So much good change in the world starts from there. “What am I” ? I wonder if the question “who am I” and who do I want to be?” Will better inform the 1st question. Anywho thanks for sharing your heart !
It seems that you desire to know your future and whether being a rabbi fits in with your future soul. Why? What will YOU be like? You are 35. You WILL be a different person at 45. What that is, no person can anticipate. The key question - I think - is the one you asked early on: what am I? Meaning, I hope, what am I now? Are you happy NOW with what you are doing? Do you feel satisfaction being a spiritual leader for a community, helping real people deal with real problems, and teaching the lessons of Tanach to those of us not as well versed or engaged in it as you? Those are pretty good things, but maybe it's not for you. Then look into another path. Do you really wish you were batting cleanup for the Cardinals? If so, go back and train. Do you wish that you became a millionaire (I assume you are not)? Then get a new profession. But if you are satisfied with being a respected and impactful rabbi right now, then enjoy the ride, be the best you can be, and don't worry so much. And SMILE that you are satisfied (many people are not).