Get Uncomfy

The Torah of Tension

How often do we appreciate someone for saying something that makes us uncomfortable?

I’m not talking about something that is abusive, demeaning, or inappropriate but more in the sense of presenting an idea that contrasts with a belief of your own. One of my teachers, Rabbi Aaron Alexander shared this powerful thought in a d’var torah last week and it got me thinking. What would it look like to start offering gratitude for people sharing ideas with you that don’t align with your own?

It’s easy to tell someone: “wow, what a great speech. I really loved it…” when it confirms what you believe in. But when your first thought is to already start poking holes, maybe those are the real opportunities for gratitude. It’s certainly not easy work but I think it’s more and more necessary.

We are living in deeply tense and uncomfortable times right now. Look around you in almost any setting and you’ll see it. We’re still six months away from a presidential election which I imagine will only stoke those types of feelings, so it’s got my brain swirling around what our tradition might have to say about this.

I turned to one of my favorite pieces of talmudic wisdom from the tractate of Chagigah 3b. Amid a wide-ranging discussion, the Rabbis suggest that we sit and learn with people that hold wildly divergent view from our own. Toward the end of this conversation, they offer the following image:

אַף אַתָּה, עֲשֵׂה אׇזְנֶיךָ כַּאֲפַרְכֶּסֶת, וּקְנֵה לְךָ לֵב מֵבִין לִשְׁמוֹעַ אֶת דִּבְרֵי מְטַמְּאִים וְאֶת דִּבְרֵי מְטַהֲרִים, אֶת דִּבְרֵי אוֹסְרִין וְאֶת דִּבְרֵי מַתִּירִין, אֶת דִּבְרֵי פוֹסְלִין וְאֶת דִּבְרֵי מַכְשִׁירִין. בַּלָּשׁוֹן הַזֶּה אָמַר לָהֶם: אֵין דּוֹר יָתוֹם שֶׁרַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן עֲזַרְיָה שָׁרוּי בְּתוֹכוֹ.

So too you, the student, make your ears like a funnel and acquire for yourself an understanding heart to hear both the statements of those who render objects ritually impure and the statements of those who render them pure; the statements of those who prohibit actions and the statements of those who permit them; the statements of those who deem items invalid and the statements of those who deem them valid.

In my spiritual work, it’s been one of the more resonant teachings that I have come across. I love the image of making yourself like a funnel and the advice to cultivate an understanding heart. Both ideas push us beyond our default way of being. This year, I came across an interpretation I had never seen before from Rav Benzion Uziel, the 1st Sephardi Chief Rabbi of Israel in his work on the fundamentals of faith, “Hegyonei Uziel, Gate V 6:20”:

תורת המוסר, תורה זו שהנפש מתאוה לה, איננה ברורה ומסוימה, גם בזה נאמר: כשם שפרצופיהם של בני אדם אינם דומים זה לזה, כך דעותיהם אינן דומות זו לזו

The ethics of our Torah, the Torah that our soul desires is not always clear or perfectly established. Regarding this it is stated, just like there is no face of a human that is totally alike another, our thoughts are also not exactly alike.

He then goes on to say all of the wisdom we contain comes from our own unique, lived experiences. Every person brings something only they can bring to the world of discourse. It’s a powerful commentary on an already powerful text.

That first line is the key. We need Torah that is messy because our world is messy. We need to learn from texts that are uncomfortable because it reflects something different than what we’re used to. When we do that, we grow.

By and large, we desire comfort in life. I get it. If I never have to camp again, I would be happy. But when it comes to gleaning kernels of wisdom, sitting with ideas that ruffle our feathers might be essential to unlocking deeper truths.

Tension is a feature, not a bug of Judaism. The Torah and its ancient and contemporary commentaries want us to find levels of productive discomfort.

So be a funnel. Take in different ideas and see how they meld together. Tell someone you appreciate them for saying something different than what you believe. Because I don’t know about you, but having a more understanding heart sounds kind of nice right about now.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Weekend!