1-8, not 8-1

Little by Little

Ever since we became parents, Lauren and I have the custom of naming a particular period of life as a station. It’s helped remind us of the temporary nature of our current moment. In challenging moments, it serves a real buoy against the waves that tend to overwhelm.

We’re at the particular station in life where many of our friends have been able to start homeownership and as we look around, we’ve found ourselves so elated for our friends for taking this next step in life…and feeling a sense of sadness that we haven’t been able to take that step.

Truth be told, it’s challenging on a much wider level but for us, because of the station we’re in, that’s how it manifests. All things considered, we’re safe and comfortable. We have an apartment we rent, we all have clothes, food, and the rest of the bare necessities. But there’s something about a house at this point that feels deeply desirable. We’re not on our own.

If have some time, check out this incredible article both for content and art that describes the challenge many Millennials face. As much as I remind myself that this is just a station with another to follow, I can’t help but feel moments of real worry that the home station will feel unattainable. The steps to get there feel daunting.

But that is what they are because one step leads to another. This metaphor hit me as I was learning a piece by Reb Abraham of Slonim, the first of the Slonimer Chassidim. He brings the debate between the houses of Shammai and Hillel as to the correct way to light the menorah to start his teaching. Beit Shammai says we should start with eight lights and decrease to one by the last night whereas Beit Hillel says we should count up (the way we do today) because “we ascend in holiness; we don’t descend.”

The Rebbe of Slonim takes it into a different direction. He says their viewpoints about counting up versus down are a metaphor for two different ways to better one’s self via purification of their inclinations. The Beit Shammai opinion, the school of thought associated with strength, would argue that in life, a person in one big moment should totally offer over all of their attributes and values to God. After this big moment, they should uproot all their negative character traits that are rooted in their network. Start from “8” and go down to “1.”

The Beit Hillel opinion, representative of the character trait of kindness, quotes the opinion that the world is only built upon kindness. According to the Beit Shammai approach they argue, one could never build such a world. The notion of offering up all of one’s character traits and values to God to uproot only the bad ones in one fell swoop is not possible for humans.

But for Beit Hillel who say start with a little and add, that’s a feasible path for humans. Every day one can remove a little bit of their less desirable attributes from their inner being. Then the next day, do a little more. That is how life goes, says the Slonimer Rebbe:

One should start little by little, measure by measure until you’ve completed the purification process….When you start in this way, it’s more secure because you can’t fall when you’re this close to the ground.

Taking this bedrock principle of Jewish law around Chanukah around the order of lighting, he takes it into a whole other direction. We have choices in life. One of them is how we approach the world. One can be a type of person that thinks in the “one fell swoop” approach. This person thinks in an all or nothing type of way. The other method according to the house of Hillel starts from the ground and works up. One has to begin with something small and build up from there.

I found myself comforted by this teaching this week. It reminded me that the work in life is to build something but that path is not always linear. There are small steps one can take. The article’s author offers up a number of them in the realms of housing, the justice department, and employment law. He later concludes the article with the following:

Then there’s our responsibility. We’re used to feeling helpless because for most of our lives we’ve been subject to huge forces beyond our control. But pretty soon, we’ll actually be in charge. And the question, as we age into power, is whether our children will one day write the same article about us.

This is a station and one day there will be another station. That’s how life works. Because one day, far down the road, those that come after us will arrive at this station and I wonder what my efforts will turn it into for them? Can I remind myself of this lesson when I look at my menorah and see its light growing?

Life is nothing but a whole series of stations we’re moving through. I have more control than I think. Especially when it feels like we’re stuck in a particular one for a long period, we can remind ourselves that those steps are there ready for us to leap, not in one fell swoop but little by little.

Shabbat Shalom, Happy Weekend, and Chanukah Sameach (Happy Chanukah!)